Romance Scams – Expand Your Knowledge

A Word About Freedom of Speech – Negotiating Balance
December 17, 2012
Negotiation Mastery – Get Creative in Business and Day-to-Day Life
January 6, 2013

This article was written for my online magazine GoPINKMagazine some time ago.  I often share it as it continues to be relevant.

The “K” in PINK is for Knowledge. Knowledge isn’t about knowing, it’s about constantly seeking, growing and expanding. When I get knowledge about a particular topic that could impact a multitude of people, I share that knowledge so other’s can expand their knowledge on a particular topic. Recently I started internet dating after many years just focusing on my kids. It can be a challenge especially when you are a mix of dichotomies like I am. Then there’s the relationship experts that say your attracting the wrong people because you’re not doing this or that right or your haven’t written down your list of your ideal mate or you need to do some Feng Sui in your house and put up pictures with couples, clean out one side of your closet or sleep on only one side of the bed. There are others who say you need to go to speed dating events or you need coaching because you don’t know how to find love.

It can be overwhelming at times if you let all that get to you. This is also another Negotiation lesson about how to negotiate balance in your life. The “N” in PINK is all about Negotiation both in business and in life. How do you negotiate balance in this area? For the guys reading this, I’m not sure if you get bombarded with scams from women on Facebook but if you do, I’d love to have your comments on this post and how women approach you. Read the emails I’ve received and let me know if you have gotten those as well. That’s for both men and women. I’d love to hear if you’ve had any experience with what I’m about to describe.

What I am addressing here is something that’s happening often to women (and men too) and has happened to me on Facebook almost two dozen times in 2 months and at least 50 times over the last several months. I call it a “romance scam.”

Wikipedia says a romance scam is a confidence trick involving feigned romantic intentions towards a victim, gaining their affection, and then using that goodwill to commit fraud. Fraudulent acts may involve access to the victims’ money, bank accounts, credit cards, passports, e-mail accounts, and/or national identification numbers or by getting the victims to commit financial fraud on their behalf. Scammers post profiles on dating websites to fish for victims. Upon finding victims, scammers lure them to more private means of communication, (such as a private e-mail address off the site they contacted you on) to allow for fraud to occur. Many scammers use Facebook as well as dating sites as a means to fish for victims.

Some of you may be thinking “who would fall for something like that?” You would think no one right? However, take a woman who really wants a relationship and gets an email from a good looking guy who says all the right things and she decides it can’t hurt to just contact the guy to see if he’s legit. She’s a professional woman, intelligent, classy, and simply wants a relationship. He claims to be a professional living in Europe and makes arrangements to fly in to meet her, but then some work or family emergency comes up and at the last minute he can’t make it. He’s spoken to her on the phone and she’s emailed back and forth and it sounds like he’s genuine, she’s had hours of emails and phone conversations. He’s got her believing she has found “the one.” Then he goes to a 3rd world country (or says he’s going) to help some kids and she gets a frantic call that he’s been robbed and can’t get out and needs her to send him several thousand dollars. She almost does it and then makes a call to some authorities and finds out that it’s a scam. Think this can’t happen? It can and does and actually happened to someone I know.

The scammers always have a picture of a very attractive man on the profile. Many times it’s a man with a child in the picture to tug at your heartstrings or they say they are widowed. On Facebook they will typically only have one picture and one to 4 friends but may have contacted so many women that they have some friend them or created a bunch of false profiles of women to make it seem like they are legit and have a lot of friends. I have seen a few with 15 friends. Their profile is new and doesn’t have much on the wall. They have very little information about themselves at all on the profile for the most part although one went to the trouble to set up some information about himself. They typically don’t use your name and start with something like “hello beautiful” “hello pretty” or some wow statement about how beautiful you are and how taken they are by your picture. They fill the message with all that a woman wants to hear about committed relationship, seeking best friend or they want to find their soul mate and many times ask you to contact them on the private email address. They may describe how their wife recently died and they are taking care of their only child or they are hard working at some job that sounds interesting. Most of the time the English is bad and they cannot form sentences correctly or it’s just written incongruently.

If you leave the message in your inbox, eventually the picture will vanish and the profile will no longer exist because they have moved on to another profile. I must be on the hit list for the scammers because I have been bombarded with messages over the last 2-4 months.

Here are the recent messages I have received through Facebook in since August. I won’t post the picture, only the text and the date. I will share the main red flags I see at the end of each message:

7 Oct (one picture)

Am Paul Derick by name,i was born in United state of America,Florida (Fort Lauderdale).Am an artist i work as a painter truly am new here on Face book because i don’t really believe in distance relationship and more on the internet so am introduced to Facebook through a friend of mine because am lonely and i really need someone of my life,someone i can trust and be honest with me…i saw your profile and i really like it so i don’t mind to chat with you so that we can know more better,cos am really looking for a serious relationship. Looking forward from you soon. Thank you and God bless you.

Red Flags: Born in the United state of America? Bad English, bad grammar, one photo

6 Oct (picture of a man with a young boy)

Hi Dearie,

I hope this mail meets You in good health. Well I just got caught by your gorgeous profile and decided to stop by and comment on your beauty. I’m new on this site and I see you as someone that I can build an affectionate and true relationship with and perhaps lead to something we could live to remember forever.I will like to get to know more of you if you will like to be my frnds.I wish that come to pass.I will like it if you send me a frnd request on this email;, i cant cos am on my phone send me so we could talk n get to know more abt each other.Will be expecting to hear from you.

I hope to hear from you soon.


Red Flags: One picture with a child, poor grammar and English, his profile said his first name was Mark! Wants me to contact him offline, “Hi Dearie”

5 Oct (One Picture, no friends)

Do you always smile , Can a woman be happy forever with a man that loves and respects her , What makes a home break , Can we ever be happy as those in the movies , where family is about love , care and forgiveness

I am Matt , single father of a baby boy which i lost his mom and my beloved daughter on there way to Cali for Christmas , I do not know if you are single , or do you have a man that makes you happy everyday , I lost my wife in an accident 3 years ago , been with my child all through this times , I want to tell you that if I had a woman like you in my life , I will do anything to make her happy , I will fight to show her true love , care for her and love her more every passing day , If i had a woman like you , I will cook with her and make love to her 5 times everyday , If I had a woman like you , I will Respect , pamper and love her so much , If you are married tell me and I will not disturb you , if you are not married , just SAY hello to me and I will be so happy

I do not know why I am doing , I was here looking for a profile with same name as yours when I came across your profile page

I want to get to know you , All that makes a woman like you smile , What will I tell you now to let you know that I am serious about being your friend , What made me write to you , I had seen so many profiles but stopped at yours

Pls do not ask me if we have ever met , I was just here searching for my uncle with the same last name as yours , My mom is very sick and had asked me to help contact her uncle when I saw your pics , I have been here for 50 minutes and just can not get over your face, your eyes and your profile

Red Flags: Some bad grammar, incongruent story – says he was looking for an uncle but also looking for a profile with the same name as mine? My name is too unique for that to be true. Of course he is widowed and lost a daughter and his mother is sick. Ugh!

1 Oct 11 (single picture, actually friends with a couple of my friends)

My name is lari simon am divorced i have been divorced for11 yrs now,i have a grandson which is 10yrs old and he is my only grandchild and he live with me,i am an easy going man,a good communicator,open minded,Generous,promising and truthful,i like swimming,watching movies,going to beach,shopping Mall,picnic,spending times with my grandson and hanging out with my friends,i work as contractor i have been working as a contractor for sometime now,i work so hard to raise my grandchild since am the only one there for him he lost is dad who is my son in a car accident 6 years ago which was very very pain because it was my only child but am still grateful to GOD because i still have someone to bear my name.i am the Kind of man who believes that honesty might not win friends but at least it touches the heart so much and leads to Destiny..I was just looking up on profiles on here when i came across your Profile and i will like to know more about you and see how far we can go from there you can reach me through this email ( you can still add me on your yahoo messenger so we can chat more and get to know more about each other

Red Flags: Poor grammar and English. Wants me to contact him off of Facebook. Someone died, it’s all on his shoulders.

21 Sep 2011 (single picture of a man and young child)

My Name is John. I just read through your profile and decided to write you. I’m a (Divorce) single man and a very hard working engineer and the nature of my job takes me places. Your profile warmed my heart. You look so cute, decent and with this gorgeous picture of you, i don’t think i have the exact word to express myself at the moment .I am so interested in getting to know more about you. I signed into this site in search of someone honest, caring, and understanding and, above all, have a good sense of humor. Someone not to have a fling or temporary relationship with, but a forever lasting relationship. Age, distance and location should be no barriers to her cause i don’t mind relocating for the right woman. Am here on a job which i will soon be done with, i will be able to write to you living far from my home because distance can be countered by a good communication and like i said, i am ready to relocate for the right woman. I hope you’ll give me a chance to get to know you better.This is my email address to write me back johnm31116(at)yahoo (dot) com Till i hear from you.


Red Flags: The guys profile says he lives in Los Angeles. I live in Los Angeles. Why would he be talking to me about relocating where I am if he lives here? Also too much broken and incongruent sentences and bad grammar. Also wants to be contacted off of Facebook. Just “read through my profile” there’s nothing to read through.

19 Sep 11 (Picture gone, profile no longer valid)

Hi Eldonna, I was just searching through profiles here on face book and caught my eye on your profile, I find you quite interesting and breath taking not just because you are beautiful but for your simplicity, well I believe behind your charming look is a laid-back personality. I would love to gain more acquaintance of you if you wont mind.

Red Flags: Typical jargon used in these emails. Profile disappeared within a day of this post.

19 Sep 11 (Active Profile with 4 friends and no info about the man, only 1 picture)

hello dear,i hope you are doing great today,am single and searching for my soul mate when i came across your picture and decided to write you and know each other more if you don’t mind.

Red Flags: Foreign Country, not using my name, typical jargon used about soul mate. “hello dear”

September 14 (Picture Gone, Profile No Longer Valid)

hello, how re you?hope you are to good , i came across your stunning profile and i got interested in you i will like to know more about you can i have your email so i will reach you in there thanks

Red Flags: Profile disappeared soon after this was sent. Not using my name. Typical jargon and asking to email off FB

5 Sep 11 (Picture Gone, Profile No Longer Valid)

Good God….you are here how are you doing……it has been a long time i have been searching to know this….

Red Flags: Profile disappeared soon after this was sent, not using my name. Incongruent sentence that doesn’t make sense.

3 Sep (Picture of a very young guy late 20’s early 30’s maybe, 1 friend, no info)

Hello Eldonna,
How are you doing, Nice pics you got, I am Roberto by name , I’m a widowed with a lovely Daughter. You caught my attention after going through your profile page, you are so beautiful and attractive. OMG in which earth are you from , you look so stunning, my heart tells me you are a nice woman to know . I would like to know more about you if you don’t mind, tell me about your self , I look forward to hear from you soon!

Red Flags: Widowed? At 20 something? Not likely. Typical jargon.

Sep 3

wow……..i am certainly speechless….what manner of beauty bestowed on one person. You must have been created on God’s resting day.

The name is john. i was looking perusing through a list of profiles when i found yours. i looked at it carefully and found out that we have lots in common, especially in the area of smiling as ur picture suggested that. That is a very sexy picture u have there. it reminds me of the likes of the duchess of castle bridge, lady Jane who was made queen of England cos of her charming beauty, most catching enough she was a maid to the former queen Anna Boleyn when King Henry sited her in court (British History…tell u more later)lol. Hope u don’t mind my humorous comparatives as i couldn’t think of a better comparative than this.hehe. They were all damn beautiful.

what do u say dear??? we could get to know each other more and better…would u like tht?…..chuckling.

Red Flags: Good memory. I have received this same post with the comparison before and the “God’s resting day comment”

2 Sep (Single picture of a man and young child)

hey pretty,i was just searching face book for an old friend of mine from college,your picture looks captivating,i guess you got my attention what is the secret of your beauty?.i dont mind been a friend.hope to hear from you soon whats your yahoo screen name? hope to chat with you soon

Red Flags: Picture of man with a child, only one picture, one friend, new profile, similar to other’s I’ve received, wants to communicate off FB right away. Oh and the jargon…. “hey pretty” is used often

31 August (single pic, no profile info)

Hello Nice pictures you got here ..well I’m Jerry Watson by name and single work as a charity worker looking for true and honest lady i can be with for a very Long Term relationship that would lead to marriage .don’t mind we chat and get to know as a friend as see what happens cos i know Rome was not built in as a friend we could know more about each other cheers and have a bless day

Red Flags: Single picture of a very young 20 something and no profile info. No friends, new profile, typical jargon that is incongruent.

27 August (one Pic – incongruent text)

Hey Pretty, It’s nice to hear from you, just drop a message to your yahoo email. I wish to know you better and meet you real soon,kindly reply to my email too, have also added your to my yahoo im .My instinct tells me you are excellently saturated,you wroth Celebrating,caring for and he that fine you finds a Good treasure that worths dieing for.The Thought of you paints a smile that is Resistant to changes in my heart. I will be looking forward to read your warmth response soonest.I care

Red Flags: One picture, incongruent text much of which doesn’t make any sense. Captializations in strange places and using the standard “hey pretty” and the typcial jargon. My yahoo email? That’s not listed anywhere so that is totally bogus.

20 August 11 (Picture gone, Profile no longer valid)

Hello Eldonna, how are you doing today? i hope you are well, I like your beautiful smile, I’m interested in you and I would like to know you more, I read your profile and I feel You’re my kind of woman i must say you are a very interesting woman, something tells me you are the kind of woman i have been looking for. i understand you match the criteria i need in a woman, am a honest, God fearing, friendly, kind gentle man, down to earth, with great sense of humor, and good values, am an engineer by profession and i have one daughter who is so dear to me, she is 18years old but she does not live with me always, am widowed , and since then i have been very lonely, am fun loving and i love to go out,i love to feel the warmness of my home, i like listening to music, dancing, reading, cooking, travelling, this is just a few about me, i will also like to know you more, i will like us to have a chat on yahoo messenger or if you have any other, or send me an e-mail i will be looking forward to hear from you, do take h ave nice day.

Red Flags: Read my profile? All of these are obvious cut and pastes from dating site scam attempts. I don’t have a profile to “read.” Of course he has a daughter and is just a genuine guy. If so, then why did his profile disappear?

20 August 11 (Pic was of a guy in his 20’s)

Hello baby how are u doing am Mutiu Adeleke Badmus by my name i really love your pics u really looking nice and i wish to know u more better,so can i have your number?so that i can hear your lovely voice..m ore so i can’t wait to have your number,you really looking nice to me how i wish u are my wife?…Lol

am waiting for your reply


Red Flags: Name he used in the text didn’t match the name on the profile. Picture was of a guy in his 20’s. Language very incongruent.

18 August (one pic)

Hi Gorgeous,

Whoa! you have a very unique and beautiful profile adorable,i like it..
Have a beautiful day Senorita and Keep smiling because it gives people like me joy to see smiling faces…

Take care and God bless you…


Red Flags: One picture, one friend, Pic is of a guy in his 20’s. Really?

16 August (Picture gone, Profile no longer valid)

Hi Lady

How are you? Am Steve Lucas (Single) Wow i like your profile its nice to me,so what will you say to friendship for a start?

Red Flags: Picture gone and profile no longer valid. Incongruent sentence structure.

11 August (Picture gone, Profile no longer valid)

Hi Dear,

It is always difficult to describe oneself without the risk of sounding immodest – but here goes:

My name is Grey Johnson, a Maritime Engineer with Baltic Marine Gdynia.

While going through this Face Book, I read through your profile and it caught my attention .

Though I know it sound strange to you, since you do not know me, but I will appreciate it, if granted this Privilege to know you more.


Grey xxx

Red Flags: Picture gone, profile no longer valid. “Though I know it sound strange to you, ……but I will appreciate it, if granted this Privilege to know you more.” Lot of incongruent bad writing. Company he describes is in Poland. Profile says he’s from the U.S.

9 August (Used the wrong name!!!)

How are you doing today Hope you are having a Good day i will like to Get to know you cindy have wonderful day In Christ

Red Flags: Used the wrong name!!! New profile. One picture. Using the Christian angle. Bad sentence structure “I will like to Get to know you cindy”

8 August (Pic of flowers and has 4 friends)

Hello sweetie,
When surfing online to seek for a friend who can keep my company here online i saw your profile and read through it with a deep thought of life,after reading through your profile I got attracted to you and thought it nice to let you know that someone like me out here care to know you and even meet with you if the future says well. I’d like to share my expirence with someone like you….someone who is willing to listen and get to know me better…with someone who is understanding and has the qualities that a God fearing woman should have.
Am james peterson a citizen of (USA),i am a single man …i am into building construction stuff that is what i do for a living and right now i am out of the country on business basis working for a governement firm right now helping them to build a bridge accross a large river….I am new at this online dating stuff just join to seek a friend who can keep my company and get to know each other better to see what the future hold for us…i live in Victoria,virginia that is where i now after moving form Ft Lauderdale,Florida…and i am a business man who work hard to achieve his future goals,i am looking for that special one who can be my friend and keep my company to study each other about our turns on and off…and if you don’t mind me i will like to tell you that i dont come online through this account always b’cos i like to comunicate in chating and Phone ways…..and i will be glad if you can respond fine to my request so as for me to get to know you as a
cool friend,And i will like to know maybe you have yahoo IM my yahoo IM is ( you can IM me there and i will get back to you anytime.roonieman45
Without saying much for now i will like to keep an eye on my mail to see maybe you have respond …I’ll be expecting your mails “ASAP”…have a nice time out there and take good care of yourself for me….Bye.

Red Flags: No photo at all other than flowers. Hello Sweetie jargon. Sounds like he’s responding to a dating site ad not a contact on Facebook. “new to online dating stuff.” Business man from the USA but out of the country building a bridge over a river? Really? What US businessman do you know who is so bad at communicating in English?

8 August (pic gone, profile no longer valid)

Hi ,Eldonna
How are you today?,I hope you are having a nice time, as for me am cool and lonely. Am new to this and most of the women I’v read from are not what I want “you seem to be a nice person , hope u don’t mind me saying that” My name is David , i have a little dutch accent, you might not figure it out if i didn’t tell you. i would like to know you more, i believe honesty and sincerity are the best attributes that keeps a great friendship. i will be honest and upfront in telling you about me.if u don’t mine u can go ahead and add me if u do chat on yahoo at so we can talk more about each other have a nice day……..i wish to hear from you

Red Flags: Picture gone and profile no longer valid. Wanting me to contact him off of facebook. Typical jargon.

That was almost two dozen unsolicited contacts in barely 2 months! I know what these are so I ignore them but one guy contacted me twice under two different profiles a few months apart with the same obscure comments and called me “sugar” which is not the standard greeting. I sent a note back telling him I knew he was a scammer and blocked the profile. It didn’t do anything more than make me feel good about the fact that I know who they are.

Ladies, these guys are out there and typically they are from another country (the 3rd world country they say they are going to visit if you start talking to them) and looking to bilk you out of money, but most importantly it takes your time and energy. They steal the pictures from some other profile or somewhere else online. I’m sure there are women who do this to men as well. If you get sucked into this like my friend did, you expend a lot of energy with the hopes and dreams of a real relationship with what seems like an amazing guy. When you find out you’ve been had, it takes time to recover because you put your emotions, energy and time into it.
I don’t use my Facebook profile for dating. I don’t even have a relationship status or what I’m interested in anywhere on my page. I reserve online dating for the dating sites but am even hanging that up for good based on results. I have only received these on Facebook and a long time ago on MySpace. I get them so often I am getting a collection of them.

I also found a website that has some good information about Romance Scams. Check out for more information on the scams. Don’t get caught in this scam!

Taking all this into account and the challenges that are involved with internet dating, here are some tips that might help you weed out the questionable people on line. One caveat, this is for people looking for a relationship. If you are online looking for “entertainment only” then these rules probably won’t apply. Of course this is from a woman’s perspective, I don’t know how it is for men out there but based on my experiences, this is what I have established as online dating rules to go by to keep safe, sane and stress free.

No Long Distance Relationships

I won’t do long distance relationships. I have done them in the past and they have never worked out. One nearly cost me my sanity but it wasn’t a scam like I mentioned above, it was a scam of a different kind. He presented himself to be someone totally opposite of who he was. When I moved to be with him, the real him showed up and he shut off, pushed me away and eventually left me for another woman. Hard lesson.
I believe you have to be in someone’s presence to know who they really are and get their energy and see how they respond to life on life’s terms. Anyone can be well behaved for a weekend getaway or even a week or extended period of time in a place that’s not their home. It’s the day to day life that you really need to see. How do they interact with other people? How do they treat their family? How do they handle problems and how do they treat you? Do you know their friends and interact with them for activities or do they just want you for entertainment purposes? If you are looking for a long term relationship, then make sure you are able to be in their presence often.

I have heard of long distance relationships working so this isn’t to say it would never work. I personally don’t see how you can get to know somebody over the phone and email and not be with them often enough to know if they are sincere and actually being who they really are with you.

Have an Anonymous E-mail Address

I was recently helping a friend of mine with some advice about internet dating. Her husband died a few years ago and she hadn’t dated in many many years and was new to the online dating world. She was surprised when I suggested she have a separate anonymous email address for online dating that doesn’t have her name anywhere in the email.

Why do this? You do not know the people that you are meeting online. You don’t know if they are for real, married, single, scammers or what. You just don’t know. I’d like to believe everyone is honest and of integrity but unfortunately that’s not the case. Having a fictitious email keeps you anonymous until you feel safe and secure enough to take it a step further. Since my name is so unique I usually only sign my emails “E” until I have more information to go on to determine if the man is of good character enough for me to share my name with him.
You can get an email address through Yahoo, Gmail or some other source. Make up the email address such as funseeker@whatever (yahoo, gmail etc).com or something that describes your personality or a couple of fun words. Then in the area where you register for the email put Fun as your first name and Seeker as your last name. That way when they get the email it will show it’s coming from Fun Seeker and not your real name. You could even sign all your emails funseeker until you feel safe about the guy you are chatting with.

No Married Men

Separated means married to me. I get really upset with someone who lies about being married. If they lie about that what else will they lie about?

So why do I have this rule and why should it be considered when dating? First off, a married man already has a wife. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. That means if he cheats on his wife with you, he will most likely cheat on you as well when you are the wife or girlfriend. The wife may be a crazy nut job but she didn’t get that way all on her own. If she is crazy and you believe you attract what you are, then he must be crazy too, all the more reason to run. He’s had 3 restraining orders filed against him and been in jail all because the wife made it up and he’s not really a bad guy. RUN FAR AWAY! You will thank yourself for it later.

What about separated? Aren’t they getting divorced? They are moved out, living on their own, moving on with their lives. Fine, wait until they get divorced. Do you really want to be caught up in all the drama of the divorce? Are their kids involved? Keep your sanity, stay away from the man who is still attached in some way to his wife by marriage.

I learned this the hard way too. As a matter of fact I recently had a guy who I dated 13 years ago contact me this week and ask me if I remembered him. Of course I did. I let him use me to make his wife jealous. I didn’t realize he was doing it at the time, but when he introduced me to her it sparked a whole bunch of drama and then soon after he kicked me to the curb and got back with her. He was “separated” living on his own in his own apartment supposedly getting divorced. People decide to get divorced on a whim at times and then just as fast decide to go back to their family. When there’s kids involved it’s even tougher for them. Stay away and save yourself the heartache.

Recently I met a guy and started meeting him out on a few occasions. I was attracted to him. Then he told me he was separated (didn’t share that upfront!) and that had had some conversation with his wife that he wasn’t sure meant they were getting back together or not so didn’t want to do anything intimate with me “just in case.” Geez! Really? Don’t waste your time, energy or emotions on this stuff. It will leave you having to work at not being jaded about men!

If you value yourself, you will consider leaving these men out of your prospective dates. Many women are desperate to have someone in their lives so will justify it in order to have a man. I’ve been there and done that and have my share of abuse stories from making stupid choices. I am sharing with you now so hopefully you won’t have to learn the hard way.

Build Relationship Before Intimacy

This is an old school value that many women today don’t follow. I used to be one of those. Now again, I’m talking about building long term relationship, not having a fling. There is a difference.
Why is this even a consideration in today’s sexually charges, microwave society that says if it feels good do it now? Take a minute to think about what sex really means on a spiritual level. If you are at all spiritual and consider your body a temple, why would you want to bring the spirit of someone else to connect with your spirit if they aren’t in alignment with your values or beliefs?

A pastor at a church I once went to called sex a soul tie. He said your souls are tied together when you have sex. If that’s even remotely true, do you want to be tied to someone that is not a decent person? Then you have to break all those ties energetically to get them out of your space. I’ve done some work to release those ties from the abusive relationships from my past. I didn’t believe at the time it was anything anyone could sense or feel. I just did the motions and visualized the ties being broken. I thought that these people were long gone, how could they be tied to me energetically? After the fact when I was contacted by two of them within a few days (after 20 years!) I started to pay attention to who I let in my space.

This goes hand in hand with the GoPINK Rule of Engagement Number 3 which says Surround Yourself with People Who Hold You to a Higher Standard, Not People Who Bring You Down. That’s not just talking about your friends. That’s in all areas of your life. Who you surround yourself with in close proximity has the biggest affect on you. Take this into consideration when making decision about who to be intimate with. Is he someone who holds you to a higher standard? Even if it was a fling is he somebody that will lift you up or bring you down based on who he is as a person? These are all things that should be taken into consideration but many times are not.

These are just some rules that I’ve put together for myself so when I meet someone I can check in with myself to see if he is someone I think would bring honor and joy into my space. I’ve spent too much time working on myself and healing to bring someone into my space that is going to bring me down. I only allow those people who are uplifting, positive and add good energy into my life.

I have many other secrets that I use as to check someone out in detail before I consider letting them into my life. I am available to coach you on those if you are interested to know further tools to use to keep yourself safe. Email me at if you’d like to know more.

The dating world can be fun, you simply have to know how to weed out the garden and keep the good prospects which will keep you on track to negotiating balance in this area of your life.


Copyright 2011 .

Eldonna Lewis Fernandez
Eldonna Lewis Fernandez
Veteran negotiation and contracts expert Eldonna Lewis-Fernandez, author of “Think Like a Negotiator,” has over 30 years of experience crafting killer deals both stateside and internationally, many in excess of $100 million. She’s currently the CEO of Dynamic Vision International — a specialized consulting and training firm that helps individuals hone negotiation skills — as well as a nationally regarded keynote speaker, session leader and panelist on the Art of Negotiation. Eldonna may be reached online at

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