Leave Emotion Out

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March 24, 2013
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When negotiating in business or in your personal life, there will be times when something is said by the other party you are negotiating with that may simply tick you off.  In business, you don’t want to react with alot of emotion.  Sometimes the other side will purposely say something to attempt to get a reaction out of you.  That will give them leverage in the negotiation as they will have the upper hand when you become emotional.  The best way to avoid getting emotional in a discussion is to be prepared to call a timeout when necessary to regroup or simply walk away.  Another thing to consider is while you are preparing for the discussion, think about things that might come up that could cause an emotional reaction.

This works in relationships as well.  Often times in our personal relationships things may become heated and argumentative rather quickly.  Have an agreement in advance to call a time out when it starts to escalate to that level. Seek to understand the other person and their frame of mind.  One word of caution, you can’t negotiate with crazy so don’t waste your energy if there’s some irrational things being said.  It won’t matter what you do or say, you most likely won’t get the other side to see your point of view.

Also leave emotion out in writing.  I am sure you’ve seen discussions in social media where things have escalated with people hurling insults about someone else’s comments.  I saw a discussion in social media where a veteran was expressing her views about a topic in a professional manner.  Someone that didn’t agree with her started hurling insults on her post and called her some horrible names.  He was also a veteran.  Expressing your opinion or disagreement with someone is one thing but doing it to the point to be defamatory or destroying someone else isn’t acceptable. 

People wouldn’t say to someone in person some of the things they write.  If someone upsets you in some way, don’t respond with excessive emotion.  A suggestion would be to write it out somewhere, then walk away and take a break.  Once you’ve calmed down a bit about the subject, come back and readdress your letter and see if you really want to send the original thing you wrote. 

Leaving emotion out will ensure your communication remains professional and eliminates the emotion that goes along with emotion charged communication.

Eldonna Lewis Fernandez
Eldonna Lewis Fernandez
Veteran negotiation and contracts expert Eldonna Lewis-Fernandez, author of “Think Like a Negotiator,” has over 30 years of experience crafting killer deals both stateside and internationally, many in excess of $100 million. She’s currently the CEO of Dynamic Vision International — a specialized consulting and training firm that helps individuals hone negotiation skills — as well as a nationally regarded keynote speaker, session leader and panelist on the Art of Negotiation. Eldonna may be reached online at www.EldonnaLewisFernandez.com

1 Comment

  1. Great info Eldonna .. not always easy to do, but so valuable!

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