I Like Men, I Want One of My Very Own

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I like men.  Really, I do.  I want one of my very own! If you’ve read anything about my past, you know I’ve had some pretty bad experiences in my life.  Rape, emotional and physical abuse, domestic violence.  When I had what I call my “mirror experience,” I realized I was the problem and needed to do some work on me.  I decided not to date while I worked on myself for a bit. 

When I did start dating again, I went on a lot of bad first and second dates.  Most of them didn’t get to the second date. There was the one guy that 5 minutes into the date asked if I liked lingerie, then when he walked me to my car he was all over me.  I had to push him off, get in and lock my door.  Then there was the guy who proceeded to tell my why he only dates Hispanic women.  In fact he told me in some detail about how sexual they are etc.  You can look at me and tell I’m not Hispanic!  He also did not know my last name.  Why would he think I needed to know that?

Another guy on the second date (first date was good, he was interesting and was respectful) decided it was time to get sexual and was all over me.  When I said no, he called me a prude.  Then there’s the issue with men my age wanting someone in their 20’s and much older men wanting me.  There’s also those young men in their 20’s looking for the “cougar experience.” Young enough to be my son or old enough to be my father = I’m not interested.

I did meet a man that I had a lot in common with last summer.  We got along great, he rode motorcycles, was intelligent, interesting, kind and a gentleman.  He admired me and there seemed to be potential for a great relationship.  Unfortunately he died in a skydiving accident a few months after we started dating.  That was a little over 6 months ago. 

You may be wondering what my point is with all of this.  Recently, I was one of the keynote speakers at a women’s motorcycle event.  I met many wonderful women and men as well.  One of the speakers posted a photo of her and the founder of the event which prompted someone to post a question “does that indicate that you are a lesbian?”

This is not the first time I have heard this from people.  When men get together for a men’s event, no one asks them if they are gay.  Why is it women get this stereotype stuck on them when we are pictured with other women or attend a women’s event? It seems unreasonable to assume just because a woman doesn’t have a man in her life that she is a lesbian.  I have been asked that once or twice as have several women I know that are not in a relationship or keep their relationship private.

It’s also an inaccurate assumption to stick that stereotype onto a women’s motorcycle event (which seems to happen often).  While I am sure there must have been some lesbian women there, it was probably no more than any other gathering or event.  So the assumption that if women motorcycle riders get together for a women’s motorcycling event, they must all be lesbian is ludicrous.  Most of the women I met there spoke of their husbands or boyfriends and some even brought them along with them. 

Next time you see a woman rider, understand that her sexual preference has nothing to do with the fact that she rides.  Women love riding just as much as men do and there are many accomplished women riders who have accomplished amazing things in the world of motorcycling.  Also, if you see a single woman, without a man, don’t assume she’s lesbian or there is something wrong with her because she doesn’t have a man in her life.

I love to ride and love to attend women rider’s events.  The energy is less competitive and it’s just a group of women, with one thing in common; riding motorcycles.   That doesn’t mean I don’t like men or don’t want to be in a relationship with one.  I have just been a victim of some unfortunate circumstances which I am sure will change.

Eldonna Lewis Fernandez
Eldonna Lewis Fernandez
Veteran negotiation and contracts expert Eldonna Lewis-Fernandez, author of “Think Like a Negotiator,” has over 30 years of experience crafting killer deals both stateside and internationally, many in excess of $100 million. She’s currently the CEO of Dynamic Vision International — a specialized consulting and training firm that helps individuals hone negotiation skills — as well as a nationally regarded keynote speaker, session leader and panelist on the Art of Negotiation. Eldonna may be reached online at www.EldonnaLewisFernandez.com

1 Comment

  1. Dawna Lawson says:

    I understand how you feel. Perfectly spoken. I have had your experiences down to the ideal future partner until he vanished 2 1/2 yrs into our dating relationship. We will always keep our heads high..

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