Here was the post I put on Facebook about this when I was in Kenya serving people there:

“Normally I keep my comments to myself about things going in in the media. I guess since I’m here in Kenya serving people who don’t know if they’ll eat THIS WEEK, be able to send their kids to school or get medical care my perspective is magnified.

So Build A Bear planned a special promotion. They didn’t expect to have huge crowds the size that gave authorities concerns about crowd control. So as a result of the authorities direction they had to cut the lines short and turn masses of people away.

I could not believe the vile attacks over not making a bear.  The police closed down the lines for crowd control reasons.  OK it was a mistake, why do we have to attack people for an honest mistake?  Plus they offered some consideration for people to still be able to go back to get a bear.

A personal mistake example – I was a speaker at a major event.  I had a small half sheet card handout done for the event.  I failed to proofread it and there was a typo and one too many negotiation strategies on the card.  Had I looked at it before I spoke I might have avoided the onslaught of people who spent the next day and a half telling me about my mistake.  I could have handled it from stage.  My fault, feedback for next time.

I had people wait in line that were suppose to be there buying my book or thanking me for my talk but instead they waited to talk to me about the mistake. Someone thought they would tell me how I could have better handled it as a speaker and wanted to coach me on speaking (mind you they weren’t a professional speaker) and people chased me down to tell me about the typo at the event.  Many people complimented me on my talk and told me they got so much out of it which I was glad but many people may not have heard it for the mistakes I made on the handout.  They focused their energy on that instead of the positive things I presented.  Some made a quick compliment and then went on a long time about the mistake.  They didn’t do it in private, they did it in public with more people joining in saying “yeah I wondered about that.”  Yes I was embarrassed that I had to handle it in public and upset for not catching the error.  However, I was more saddened by the way the feedback was handled.  Here are 3 ways to handle feedback that all should consider before giving advice:

1. Feedback is the Breakfast of Champions – We need feedback for constant and never ending improvement.  Without feedback we will not know if we are failing or succeeding.  Welcome feedback when it comes. Feedback should be given with positive reinforcement about what was done right and suggestions to improve.
2. Listen – Don’t Talk or Defend – oftentimes people want to defend the error or blame someone else.  Don’t say anything, don’t defend, don’t rebut. Say thank you and take what you like and leave the rest.  Receiving feedback doesn’t mean you have to implement it.  Someone once told me I looked better with dark hair (see the cover of my Think Like A Negotiator book).  That’s one person’s opinion.  I thanked them and moved on.  I obviously haven’t implemented that feedback.
3. When giving feedback do it in private.  People don’t like to be corrected to begin with, it doesn’t feel good to make a mistake.  It’s best to do it in private out of the public eye.  You don’t want everyone jumping in on the feedback or hearing about the big mistake someone did.  When people told me about the error, more people jumped in and it was no longer about my talk, it was about my big typo blunder.  I had to stand there graciously and take it.  I smiled and said thank you, I am aware of it.  That didn’t stop them from continuing to talk about it at length.  Had people sent me a message privately or talked to me one on one after my book signing time, that would have been better.

These are a few tips on giving and receiving feedback.  I’m teaching some Government courses on feedback to an Army group in coming weeks so have been researching this topic and thought I would share some thoughts that might help you.

Keep Thinking Like A Negotiator!